Twenty-three years of college advising, and this spring it is my turn to be the parent in the process. You see, my son is finishing his junior year, and his college process is alive and in motion. Yet, people say to me all the time:
“I’m sure your son already has his entire college plan mapped out.”
“He is so lucky to have the best advisor living right down the hall.”
I smile, but know that my son’s process is still very much in progress, the reality that most families are living in right now.
What’s Actually Happening at Our House
Visiting schools has always been a perk of my work, so we have been going to campuses for a while. But last summer is when we really began in earnest, and we are continuing this summer and into early fall of senior year. We are still refining his list, researching programs, digging into what colleges have to offer, and tracking down merit scholarships that require separate applications and have earlier deadlines than most families expect. At his school we have followed the process by scheduling his courses for next year, requested his letters of recommendation, and learned the process for the fall.
This is not a finished plan. It is a living one.
And here is the part that surprises people most: he is not working with me as his primary advisor. He is working with one of our expert advisors, someone I trust completely and would confidently recommend to any family I serve.
Why I’m Sitting in the Audience This Time
I have visited colleges with my son, not as his advisor, but as his mom. I have sat in information sessions watching the admissions counselors at the front of the room, and I have watched my son out of the corner of my eye. I have noticed what made him lean forward and what made him go quiet. I have toured dorms and tried to imagine him living there, tried to read his face without making it obvious I was reading his face.
I am looking for different things than an advisor looks for. I am watching the version of him I know, the one who gets excited about something and immediately wants to share it, or the one who shuts down when something doesn’t feel right. That is my job on these visits: being his mom. That is the only part I can do completely.
Handing off the advising piece was not a sacrifice. It was one of the most intentional decisions I’ve made as a parent.
I hear parents say, “Oh, I don’t mind being involved. I actually love it.” I believe them. Most parents do love being involved, and that love is real. But there is a difference between being present in your child’s process and being in charge of it. This stage is about more than getting into college. It is about helping your student find their own voice in their essay, make their own case, and begin to take ownership of a major life decision. When a parent is running the process, that can quietly get in the way, even when the intentions are the best.
There is also something else worth saying out loud. You have 16 months left with your child living at home. Not 16 years. Not 16 months someday. Right now. The college process is important, but it should not consume the season you are in.
If You’re a Junior Family Feeling Behind, Read This
You are right where most families are at this point in the spring. What matters now is not how early you started. What matters is what you do next.
Here is where to put your energy:
- Start with fit, not prestige. Before you build a list, understand what your student is actually looking for: academic programs, campus feel, size, location, social environment, and financial realities. Students often cannot articulate what they want until they walk onto a campus and feel something.
- Build a balanced list that is also affordable. Include schools where admission is likely, possible, and more of a reach, but every school should be realistic financially. Research merit scholarships early, especially those with separate applications and earlier deadlines.
- Start brainstorming essays now. Strong essays are not written under pressure. This is the moment to identify experiences and perspectives that feel authentic to your student. Drafting may have begun or will start soon, with a finished essay goal of August 1st.
- Shape a clear application narrative. Coursework, activities, essays, and recommendations should all point toward a coherent story. What a student does with their time matters, including this summer. When those pieces align, applications become far more compelling.
- Have a testing plan. The issue is not bandwidth, it is time. There are only so many test dates before the last one colleges will accept, and preparation takes weeks. Many students test in early fall. If that is your route, the window to prepare is open right now.
One More Thing, and I Mean It
This summer matters for reasons that have nothing to do with college.
Take walks. Do the day trips you have been saying for years you would do. Make the plans that have always lived on the someday list. Sit at the dinner table a little longer. Go to the thing your kid has been asking you to go to.
I want the best possible future for my son. I have spent 23 years helping families navigate this process, and I am pouring every bit of that experience into making sure he has the right guidance. But I am also trying to be present for the parts that only I can be there for: the quiet car rides after a campus tour, the dinners where he wants to talk through what he is thinking, the ordinary evenings that will not feel ordinary in a few years.
The heavy lifting of the college process? Leave that to us. That’s what we’re here for.
The time at home? That one is yours. Don’t let the college admissions process take it from you.
If you are a junior family and wondering whether it is too late to start, it is not too late. Reach out. We’d love to work with you.
- Betsy Stangel, Director of College Advising, Method Learning